


Points of View

by Shift7



Series: Ineffable Bureaucracy [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Body Swap, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Multi, Other, good omens - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 21:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20319934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shift7/pseuds/Shift7
Summary: “This is so amusing!” Came their own voice cheerily, as they looked down and saw their usual form put its hands on their hips and turn to look up at them, wide eyed and interested, “Wait, did you just buzz with my voice? I had always assumed it was a dysfunction with your corporation… Fascinating!”





	Points of View

“No, no, no, no, no,” Beelzebub said with a voice they weren’t used to speaking with as they looked down at a pair of hands that were no longer their own. It was unnerving, “I take it back, I don’t want to do thizzzz.”

“This is so _ amusing_!” Came their own voice cheerily, as they looked down and saw their usual form put its hands on their hips and turn to look up at them, wide-eyed and interested, “Wait, did you just buzz with _ my _voice? I had always assumed it was a dysfunction with your corporation… Fascinating!”

“Are you trying to tell me you thought I wazz inhabiting a broken body?” They said flatly, hoping they were able to convey the proper annoyance they felt at that assumption with his voice.

“I guess, I don’t know." Their form shrugged and grinned stupidly, "Hearing you say pluralized words was always strange. Hearing them said correctly with your voice is even stranger.”

“Itzz a perfectly regular body. And stop smiling, I don’t smile.”

“Only if you stop frowning. _I _ don't usually frown."

Their frown deepened. His smile widened.

“This is fun."

Beelzebub grumbled disapprovingly.

“How do you deal with being this short?” Gabriel continued, ignoring them. “Your arms are so stubby, how can you even reach _ anything _.”

“Well, how do you manage not to slam your obnoxiously tall and bulbouzz body into everything,” Beelzebub said as they looked down at themselves refusing to admit they _did_ look short and maybe wouldn't hate being a little less vertically challenged at times. Unfortunate that Hell was cramped and smallness of size was preferable.

"Bulbo--It's called being muscular!" Gabriel retorted, "It's healthy _and_ attractive."

“This izz suffocating,” They said, changing the subject and loosening his necktie, trying to ignore the fact that they had just heard _ their _ voice call him attractive, “And ugly.”

"As if you're one to talk," Gabriel motioned to their feet, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. “These socks are their own special travesty.”

“No. They’re quite fashionable in Hell. And practical: can’t get holezz in sockzz that already have them.” They justified as they tugged at the grey suit coat his body was wearing.

“As if Hell knows anything about fashio-- _HEY_. You can’t just rip the sleeves!”

“Urg," Beelzebub had reached up with the long arms of his body and stretched, splitting the jacket’s sleeves at the shoulder seams, "How do you deal with thizz kind of restricted movement? Itzz azz if you like_ constantly _ being bound by your own choicezz."

“It’s tailor fit!”

“Itzz awful for offensive combat.”

"But it looks nice!"

“It hazz no defensive capabilitiezz either.”

"But it _looks nice_!"

"Are you trying to show off?”

“_Your_ jacket fits like a bag.” Gabriel deflected, “Sleeves are far too long, shoulders are too wide…” He started patting their body down, “Have you always been this thin? Even your legs--”

"Don't do that!" They hissed as he began to run his hands down one of their thighs. 

“You know,” Gabriel said not listening, “With the right suit in a different style, I bet you could cut an even more threatening figure. You need all the help you can get.”

"_Stop_," They repeated their disapproval, "I'll discorporate you--me--you if I have too."

That got him to pause the self-exploration and look back up at them, "Wait, how would that work?" He absentmindedly ran his fingers through their hair, pulling at mats with his fingers. “If either one of us discorporates what would even happen to the other. Would we be stuck? Would we need to wait for the other to discorporate before everything fixed itself? Now _ that _would be problematic.”

"Maybe we should find out..." They said threateningly, still keenly aware of how handsy he was being.

"No, I don’t want to risk it. You’d surely win." He said conclusively. They almost made the mistake of taking that as a compliment before he kept talking, "I mean, my body _ is _ superior after all. I wouldn’t stand a chance as you. Ow…” He yanked on a particularly knotted section, “Have you ever considered brushing your hair?"

“Itzz a nest,” Beelzebub huffed, ignoring his blatant disrespect.

“Oh, wait, I’ve heard this one.” He looked at them excitedly, “For rats right?”

“For _ fliezz _you incorrigible idiot.” They rolled his eyes so hard they were convinced one might pop out.

“I don’t think that’s how the saying goes... but I guess with your whole 'Lord of' thing it makes sense.”

“I have never hated my own voice more than at thizz very moment.”

"It's a good voice.”

“Don’t give complimentzz with my mouth. Itzz Undemonic.”

“But I’m not a Demon?”

“Well right now you are. At least a little bit,” they had a realization, “Just like I’m a little bit of an Angel…”

Gabriel decided instantaneously he didn't like whatever idea they had just had.

“What would happen if I started blaspheming with _ your _mouth?” they raised an eyebrow at him.

“Hold on--” he said, but they didn't.

“God on... uh...High, I guezz…" Beelzebub raised his arms up, invoking the sky, "Human Beingzz are by far the _worst_ thing you've ever created. Honestly, they're _fucking_ uselezz and I wish Armageddon _ had _ happened if only so they could be completely wiped off thizz blister of a planet and we could finally correct the mistake of their creation!"

They looked up expectantly. Nothing happened. Gabriel sighed, visibly relieved.

They deflated a little, “Letzz switch our consciousnessezz back, I've decided I hate thizz.”

“No,” he said, feeling emboldened by their failure and returning to the struggle of detangling their body's hair, “We agreed to 24 Earth hours. It's on _ paper_. We notarised it.”

"Fine," Beelzebub turned to walk away, "But thizz whole experience izz more stressful than anticipated. I'm going to go sedate my feelingzz by eating until your body pukezzzz."

"That’s not-- that’s! Wait--!"

**Author's Note:**

> Gabriel allowed them to order almost the entire menu at the restaurant but only because Beelzebub agreed to allow him to take them both suit shopping after.


End file.
